No, I am not dead... Yet.
It's a pretty depressing statement to start with on a comeback post, but hey- Have you known me yet?
Hi, my internet personal is Sophia Nazari, I am a now in my early twenties as a short and chubby Asian female (this description is much needed in case you were to imagine me speaking), I have pretty much written the insights of my mind ever since I was ten although not consistently as I used to, I must say hence, this update. Here's the thing, I truly have too much to say and I can't say it all in a word vomit because then I'd get anxious about the things I say to people who I do or do not care about. I think writing is a better form for myself to express- actually it's a better form for everyone because not everyone has the time to sit and hear others chit chat, especially when it comes to drama (which we'll get to that).
This blog has been terrible. I tried my best to upkeep it. I tried to withhold aesthetics that match my mood and persona whenever I felt like writing something. But, unlike this, those posts were very much scripted and I heavily tried to make a "story" out of every situation, which i now realize it is something I am very terrible at because I am a terrible story-teller even in real life. You know what I am best at? Ranting. And I believe that a lot of people are quite sick of the dumb things I've been through. Sometimes I do want to keep it a secret, but as I said- Word vomit. I hate telling people things about my life because I know some people do care, but most don't. And I feel like an attention seeker, which I am, but somehow that's a bad thing, oops. It's bad being a narcissist and egotistic, I guess, after all of the times I consistently beat myself down thinking I am the worse. I mean, can you read between the lines?
But, that's not this post is about. Basically, I've been gone for a while. The only times I tried coming on here is if I'm depressed and have something poetic to say- I don't. I'm not a poet. I'm not h**h with her blog, always ranting about someone who's out of her life (It's been more than a year, sis. Really?).
I want to start writing again. Ha, yes. If only I'd get a dollar for every time I say that, I'd be a millionaire. However, in recent events, I have officially deleted my Twitter. That platform was an escape for my thoughts. I can curate e v e r y possible tweet if I wanted to, and I did. Mostly are shit-posting. Plus, I felt like I constantly needed to monitor everything I say when it comes to ANYTHING e.g. politics, religion, pop culture and the most ridiculous thing I had to monitor was talking about myself. As open as I can be to people, some things are so difficult to talk about. If I talk about my depression, no one cares. If I talk about my family, they'd think I'm very ungrateful. The reason behind my Twitter disappearance is- aside from my account getting locked, I talked to my childhood friend and she mentioned how you constantly have to watch out about everything you post. She's right. After deleting it, I must admit that I don't miss it that much as how I did when I used to deactivate my ten year account during high school. I feel free-er. Even made a RM20 bet with Nat to see if I can last a year, and by all means- She is going to lose. My plan is to up the money, but I think she's scared of losing hers. I think I can change her mind.
Anyway, yes. I do not have a platform to speak my mind anymore except for this. I'm pretty sure there are other blogging platforms out there that are newer and fancier- But I like traditional and classics. blogger.com has always been there since I was a child, and I keep coming back. I'm used to the way it works. But, who knows if I might change into a new website. I'll keep you posted on that. And blogging sort of lets me rant whatever I want, however long I want without telling myself that people are judging me and giving me unnecessary anxiety. You see, I can write on and on. And I think it's a safe haven for me. I choose this because I don't have the energy or time to upkeep a journal and typing is way, way easier, especially when it comes to ranting- Which is perfect, right?
So, you- whoever you may be, can expect to see new posts soon. Maybe I'll dig up old ones and try to elaborate on the situation. I even created a list of what to write. This time, I'll try to not filter anything. I'll try to keep it in accordance to my mood. Like I said, it's a place for me to freely express myself, and I will. Until then...
Lots of love, soph x
