Saturday, August 1, 2015

1:00 AM

Why am I still so hung over you? What did you ever do to me that made me end up the way I feel about you now? To say you were special would be sort of an understatement. To say you were my best friend would be untrue. To say that I loved you would be the most ridiculous thing you would ever hear coming out of my mouth.

I know that you are happy now and I am glad. I just wish I hadn't fuck up so much until we don't even look at each other when we are in the same room. I just wish I could take all of my ego and stupidity and anger and jealousy back. I just wish you would have chased me.

More importantly, I just wish that the months we had together were not apart of a fairy tale I had in my mind because the truth is you do not at all feel the same about me. And I just wish I had realized the reality.

Sometimes I tell myself that what you did was wrong, which is true and to not ever let my guard down for you or anyone ever. But then, I look back at my mistakes and feel guilty about ruining our friendship.

But, let's face it. It was a two sided war. We both had our ego. We both made mistakes. We both ruined something that was meant to be great.

"If you love someone, you should always set them free."

At first, I never thought that it would be very similar to the situation since it's very untrue because I think that if you do love someone, you should always make the effort.

When you make no effort, you will lose something to treasure.

I made no effort not because I wanted to lose our relationship. I made no effort because I know by letting you go, your life would be way better without me.

And it has been, hasn't it? You are happier now, aren't you?

I feel gutted that we do not talk anymore but I am glad that you are happy.

Because your happiness actually means more to me than our relationship. And if that doesn't tell you something, then I don't know how else I could express it.