Thursday, May 19, 2016

Twenty things before twenty.

It's almost five o'clock in the morning. I spent the whole day in bed today because even though I don't feel too good since my birthday celebration was a real rager, I actually woke up half an hour late to class, so I figured it's too late to go anyway. Or I'm just a real pemalas. It's my birthweek, I have the right to do as I please.

I haven't posted anything although I've drafted quite a few things. I wanted to talk about my mental health since May is an awareness month, but I didn't know how to format the words to not make it seem like I'm over my head with my feelings. I'll post it sometime soon, though.

Anyway, since I turned twenty on Tuesday, I've come up with a list in the beginning of the year of all the things I've learned.

  1. There's a time and place for everything. It's your choice to be able to express what you're feeling. Sadness, anger, happiness, etc. but, if everyone else came here to have a good time, don't be too much of a party pooper.
  2. Never lose your passion. Don't seek the worst in yourself. If you love what you're doing, always aim to be better. Don't ever let those who you think are better than you destroy your creativity. 
  3. Always seek for the truth. The world has a lot to say about everything, but not everything is real or right.
  4. It's okay to get demotivated sometimes. It's normal. It happens. 
  5. But, motivate yourself instead of going to people for help. Learn to help yourself.
  6. There will always be someone out there better than you. Don't let the feeling of pride comfort you. Gain knowledge from those who know better. "Don't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."
  7. When in doubt, when you're stressed out, step outside and take a look at nature. Although it's corrupted; beautiful on the outside, ugly on the inside, Malaysia is such a beautiful country. Think of it as a source to be grateful and be blessed.
  8. This is cliché, but it's okay to let go. Yet, it's okay to hold on as long as it doesn't damage you. Holding on makes me find my muse for journaling. All these emotions should be kept somewhere, and it belongs in my little black book.
  9. Cutting out people with negative energy is not easy, especially with those who you've known for a long time. It's not easy staying positive, and that's okay.
  10. Baby steps are important. If you're not satisfied with where you are in life, take the time to slowly find yourself. 
  11. I once saw a retweet saying "Draw like you aren't going to post it online." In my case, write like I'm not going to post it online, which basically means, don't worry too much of what other people may think about your work. Do the best you can and take criticism from a positive perspective.
  12. Learn to travel/wander and find yourself. Traveling will expand your imagination. And it doesn't necessarily mean going on a plane. It could be a road trip to Terengganu or even walking about Bangsar. There are so many places to be discovered.
  13. Learn to do things on your own. Don't be too scared to do things alone, although, this is quite a tough decision for me. I'm afraid of doing things alone because I'm tiny and I seem vulnerable, but it's time to grow up. 
  14. If you're going to do stupid things, do it responsibly. Don't drag other people into your problems.
  15. "Life is what happens when you're too busy making other plans." The things you plan for won't turn out accordingly. It's great to keep goals, but take yourself off the steering wheel and let life bounce itself out.
  16. Always put yourself in someone else's shoes.
  17. NEVER RELY ON ANYONE FOR ANYTHING. It's okay to be selfish because at the end of the day, there's only you. 
  18. Appreciate all the little things. Say your pleases and thank you's. Always be kind, be patient and love all.
  19. Keep your circle small. It's alright to have a large group of friends, but those who know your true feelings, keep them to limited amount of people.
  20. Always thank your parents, thank God and appreciate your friends. They are the ones who will be there in times of despair.
I've been coughing really badly since two weeks ago and I completely lost my voice. It's fine now but the coughing still wouldn't stop and I feel like dying. 

My birthday this year was better than last year's. I spent last year with my family, and it ended up with me being grumpy, as usual. I spent this year with friends from college and the fam. I didn't plan for this birthday to be a big celebration, I wanted a chill day. I ended up getting what I wanted, though; well wishes, birthday cards, meals I didn't have to pay for, money, and the most important thing - balloons! I did want the numbered ones like in the photo for my estetik, but I'll get them next year, if God wills.

Anyway, here's to the next nine years of my twenties. May it be blessed with happiness and good vibes, and contentment. Not looking forward to it, but adulthood, come at me.